Temporarily out of service (or something)

Someone just made a very good point to me about confidentiality i.e. that perhaps other course members would be upset if they thought I’d be discussing our mutual process online.  This is, of course, absolutely right, and although I am only keeping a journal as we’ve been asked to, it wouldn’t seem right going any further without at least running the idea past the others on the course.   I suppose my other option is to go back over to LJ and simply keep the diary inaccessible to anyone but me.  It prevents me getting feedback, but more importantly it also prevents anyone’s trust from being broken.  So the jury is currently out on this one, I am pretty sure I know what they’ll say when they come back from their room, but I will not be posting anything else until I know for sure what to do.

I don’t feel the following is breaching anyone’s confidentiality though: my placement is in Hamilton, which is amazing.

Where I’ve been

I have not been around for a few days, mainly because I was concentrating on trying to reduce the word count of my autobiography.  At the moment, although it’s meant to be 2000-3000 words, it’s more like 3200, but I am leaving it aside for the time being as I have worked on it to the point that I think it’s presentable as a piece of work.  The most challenging aspect of writing about your life, as I mentioned previously, is not knowing what to leave out and what to put in.  After all, at what point does being fully congruent end and plain old TMI begin?  So many things have happened to me in my life already and I simply didn’t know what was relevant and what wasn’t.  I then decided that what mattered was what was relevant to me, the events and turning points that have shaped who I am as a person today, so I tried to squeeze all the important ones in.

As the autobiography also must contain an analysis of my strengths and weaknesses as a helper, I also did some honest thinking about myself to come to the realisation of what those are.  However I believe these will change regularly throughout my Diploma course as new training needs arise (and I’m sure there will be many!).

My course starts on Monday, beginning at 9.30 when I get to meet my fellow students informally.  I’m looking forward to that as I already know three members of the course from my course last year, so I won’t feel alone and will probably feel happier about meeting the others.  There are always fears for me around starting a new course: will the other members be more skilled than me, will they have read more books than me, will they just be more talented for the job than me, will their work be better than mine, and so on.   Last year it turned out everyone on my COSCA Certificate course had had similar fears, and it made us all feel a heck of a lot better.

I hope that this course is what I thought it would be; I am not by any means expecting an easy ride and am expecting it to be hard work and a challenge from the outset.  I am so happy since I began doing my prep work for the course, as I realised that for the first time in a long time I was actually relishing the books I was reading and enjoying the subject matter.  That rarely happened during my first degree, as my real fascination was with the Italian language, not with the literature.  True, there were some good books, but none like the ones I have read for this course so far.  Amazing. I feel like a right bookworm!

The first day of the course will be about contracts and beginnings, which is highly appropriate if you ask me.  I can’t wait to get in there!  Also, I have the first meeting regarding my counselling opportunities out at Motherwell at 4, so I’ll not be stopping after uni but going straight to Fidasa, who are organising my NHS placement.  I’m really looking forward to that as well, as I can barely wait to find out where I’ve been placed and exactly what the placement will entail.  I’m hoping it involves a lot of responsibility as my brain feels ready for a bit of a challenge!

Transcendental Meditation

I forgot, I also wanted to mention how TM is going.  TM is helping me immensely.  If I can just STICK TO DOING IT for 20 minutes twice a day, I feel much better, much calmer, more alert and energetic.   Plus (and this is a huge plus) I am finding I don’t have to return to bed so often during the day any more.  TM is a fantastic tool for me, and I can see now why Dr Brogan recommended it (though at first you do feel a bit daft chanting mantras etc.  It’s a good thing you don’t have to chant and hum the mantra while beating the drums – it’s more of a focused, internal practice than that. Anyway, I am making so many typos that I have rewritten this sentence a few times now…maybe it’s time for bed?

Person-Centred Counselling Training Book Review

Person-Centred Counselling Training

By Dave Mearns

First published in 1997

This book is a book about the experiences to be expected from person-centred counselling training, both for trainee counsellors and training staff alike. Mearns points out in his introduction that to his knowledge, no other such book exists at the time of writing which maintains a focus on the training of person-centred counsellors, so part of his purpose is to fill this gap in the literature. The author also intends to portray the realities of being on a counselling course (particular reference is made to Diploma courses) as opposed to the “easy ride” some people might be expecting. Having been a professor at Strathclyde University’s counselling unit, and now working on other projects, Mearns is ideally suited to giving us the information on Diploma courses that we need (not necessarily just the information we’d like to hear). The book is written from his point of view as a teacher, although he gives many examples of opinions from students’ and clients’ points of view also. Person-Centred Counselling Training belongs to the Psychology genre, and fits into it by offering an honest perspective to both trainee counsellors and trainers of what is expected of them during the course.

Mearns’ style is formal, and from the outset is clear about the information it wants to convey. Mearns has an original style that sets things out plainly and simply whilst still managing to develop his subject matter fully for the length of book, however he gives additional reading recommendations also. Where technical words are used, these are explained fully, and therefore the text is suitable for anyone currently undertaking person-centred training or who is a member of staff on a Diploma course. It would also be helpful for those considering doing a Diploma, as it gives a frank description of the course and the types of exercises and feedback one can expect. For example, firstly I did not know that some people chose to defer their Diploma until they felt ready to accept it – apparently some do as they or their Personal Development Group or both may feel that they have not met their learning objectives for the course and can tell them they think they shouldn’t get a Diploma. In effect, the course participant must decide whether to award him/herself the Diploma, which is all new to me. Also, there will be lots more group interaction in a Diploma course compared to a Certificate course, as the book mentions having large community meetings consisting of staff and trainees as well as smaller meetings. Assessment titles will be self-chosen and will depend on one’s current level of attainment, and the correct use of supervision sessions is discussed. Another example is the discussion on the difference between the staff’s responsibility to the course member and for the course member. All these explanations helped me to understand more fully what may await me over the coming year.

The book affected me in various ways. When I first began reading it I found it dull and very uninteresting, and reading it was very hard work. However, as I read on I realised that the information contained in this book was not only interesting but could also prove extremely useful in the year to come. Secondly, I had held different beliefs about what lay in store during the Diploma, and although I now feel more apprehensive in relation to the assignments and the prospect of revealing my innermost thoughts to the whole course, I also feel more at ease in another sense as now I know the facts of what awaits me and can mentally prepare myself for the challenge. Person-Centred Counselling Training has achieved its goal, in my opinion, as it is an excellent source of information on the reality of what it can be like to undertake a Diploma in person-centred counselling for trainers and trainees alike, as well as being a book that covered the topic when there was no other book available which would provide the same information. I would recommend this book to others, particularly trainee counsellors as I would say the sections for trainees are greater in number than those for staff members.

Feeling old today…

The reason I am feeling very old is because I went to register (or matriculate if you’re posh) at my new university today.  It was an extremely daunting experience that left me feeling jumpy and nervous, despite the fact that I am actually looking forward to doing the course!  For one thing, I wasn’t there on any particular “postgraduate matriculation day”, everyone just registers together.  That meant I soon realised how uber-young and ultra-trendy the younger students were, some seemed as though they were about 15!

The process itself was daunting, involving a queue of about 600 people, a registry check, a finance check, a second finance check (had the first finance woman been out the previous evening, perhaps?), then a final registry check before you could finally queue to have your photograph taken and your ID card issued.  For what it’s worth, I ended up with a really good photo, which is unusual for me.

After the hour-and-a-half-long process, I held a small plastic card in my hands, which had a colour picture of me and one of the university buildings in the background, and the text read: “Jennifer Anne Fairgrieve, Full Time Postgraduate Student”.  And then something inexplicable hit me and I felt as though I was in shock.  Up until now the whole idea of going back to uni has been great to think about, and I’ve been merrily doing the coursework without really thinking about the fact that the start of the course is now so near.  I’m not worried about managing to read the last book and finish off the autobiography before then, after all I’ve already read three books so I can read another, and the basic autobiography is there and just needs tweaking.  There were times when I’d have asked myself why I felt a certain way, why I was nervous and anxious, but right now I am happy to just accomodate these feelings and allow them to be there.  I am sure that when I start the course a week on Monday I will soon settle down!

In other news, Mosco our Black Russian Terrier, has a very sore leg, and after an unsuccessful week’s course of anti-inflammatories, she will have an x-ray tomorrow morning at the vet’s to see if she is showing any signs of arthritis.  She’s now on an overnight fast so she can have the anaesthetic for the x-ray tomorrow morning.  Poor Mosco, hopefully she’ll feel a bit better soon.  On the plus side, she’s lost a kilogram since last week so her diet must be working.

Tomorrow I’m back at the Transcendental Meditation course to have my meditation checked so will no doubt report on how that goes.

I also thought I’d mention the wonderful world of trip-hop, which sounds like something a young person might say, but sadly not.  Trip-hop started in the 90s (i.e. nearly twenty years ago!) with bands like Massive Attack, Morcheeba and so on, and there is a wealth of trip-hop artists out there today, both current and non-current.  Not all electronic music is trip-hop, but I would definitely say that all trip-hop is (or appears to be from my current listening experience) electronic.  Often trip-hop is characterised by gentle rap and/or haunting vocals, keyboards, drums, samples of virtually anything and a 4/4 beat.  Artists I am currently listening to and heartily recommend are:

• Tricky
• Morcheeba
• Massive Attack
• Goldfrapp
• Portishead
• Bjork (not strictly trip-hop but has some trip-hop-style songs)
• Lemon Jelly
• Hooverphonic
• Groove Armada
• Lamb

Want to listen to them to see if I’m right about it being good? Then get yourself a copy of Spotify.  It’s free to download and easy and quick to install, and what’s more, you can listen to any music you want for free.  That’s right, free.  I’ve actually gone to the bother of putting a trip-hop playlist together to give you an idea of the beauteous, chilled-out world that awaits you!

Autobiography – thoughts

I’m finding writing my autobiographical “sketch” very challenging.  By the way, I use the word “sketch” in sarcastic inverted commas because it’s meant to be a 2000-3000 word autobiography-cum-analysis of my strengths and weaknesses, and at the moment I have 2,500 words just of autobiography, which isn’t even finished yet, never mind the section on strengths and weaknesses.
It has occurred to me while doing this exercise that not only is it extremely difficult to remember everything relevant which has occurred in almost 29 years, it is so hard working out what to put in as space is so limited.  I genuinely feel that if I were to write even just everything I can remember about my life, every event, the feelings that surrounded the events, the people I met along the way and the mistakes I made, I’d never be done writing (or I’d at least have a book by the end).
So how does one sum up a life, complete or not?  I think the most important thing for me has been people, my relationships to them, and how those have evolved during my life.  I now have a wonderfully close and open relationship with my mother and a close one with my father, and I even came to realise that I love my sister very much even although we didn’t always see eye to eye, which is the understatement of the millennium!.  I had one not-so-nice grandpa (I’ve made my peace with him posthumously) and one lovely one, and I still do have one lovely gran whom I love dearly and one whom I love, though I find her hypochondria a little irritating at times.  I have the best friends anybody could wish for, some of whom I’ve been friends with for over ten years, and no matter how much time elapses between our nights out we still just pick up where we left off.  I am also lucky to be with a wonderful boyfriend, who calls me his princess and plans to move to the UK (he’s from Rome) to be with me, which is wonderful as I feel we’re made for each other.

So what’s my point?  Well, I’m just going to steal my point from a song from Rent by Jonathan Larson, Seasons of Love, which has been going round my head since I began to write this entry.

Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes,
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Moments so dear.
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure, measure a year?

In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights
In cups of coffee
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.

In five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure
A year in the life?

How about love?
How about love?
How about love? Measure in love

Seasons of love. Seasons of love

That sounds about right: measure in love.  If I measure that way my life’s been pretty amazing so far.

Transcendental Meditation

Well, as I’ve neglected to write about my experiences of the course so far I’ll just briefly state what I think about it.  So far I think it has been money well spent, as during the meditation it is usually very relaxing and effortless, and afterwards I see physical and mental benefits (mostly that I have a ton of energy – maybe THAT’S why I read a book in 2 days!).  I have to keep up my practice 20 minutes twice a day for a week then I will go back for an individual technique checking session, followed by a group checking session the week after.  Trying to fit 20 minutes in twice a day can be tricky, but I do believe  it is worth it, as any opportunity to take a bit of time for myself seems to give me more headspace.  I’ll need to ask the teacher if it’s okay to do more as and when necessary, such as at times of increased stress, but I’m sure it will be.

If you’d like to find out more about Transcendental Meditation, you can look at the official website here, or here it is on Wikipedia.